I'm finished

I never thought I would be saying, in the middle of October, that I finished a semester of school. I never thought I would be so relieved by looking at my transcript. As I saw that all the incompletes on my transcript had turned to letter grades my eyes filled up with tears. I called my mom and I had tears running down my face as I read to her my final grades for Spring 2010.

The last six months of my life have been an emotional rollercoster. Getting sick, leaving school with a week and a half left, having the doctors not know what's wrong, having test after test come back negative, not getting better but getting worse... two months later finding out what was wrong, knowing the only thing I could do was rest and wait it out, not being able to do the research position I was looking forward to doing over the summer, knowing that I had eight tests, two papers, a lab report, and a quiz waiting for me back at school. It has been a hard six months of my life.

My prayer during this time has been the Barlow Girl song Stay with me. The song says

"My steps never felt so hard
The end never look so far but
If you won't take me out
Then please take me through this"

"make me see that this is not forever"


Looking back I can see how God is faithful. He took me through it, every step of the way. There were so many people praying for me. My mom would put an "Anna Update" in her facebook status and would get many responses from people from all over who were praying for me. The children's librarian at our local library had her church praying for me. There were people I have no idea who they are praying for me. It's overwhelming to think about.

I have a greater appreciation for Greenville College and the professors here. I left so much unfinished but was given a second chance. I was able to make up the work when I was feeling "better" and up to it. My professors were incredible. After finishing a class, the professor looked at me and told me that if I needed anything to let him know, and I know that he meant it. I had another professor tell me that we needed to meet before I took the final so we could go over the study guide because I should get a grade that showed how much I put into the class. Even the lady at the records office knew me and told me that she had been praying for me. I'm so thankful for being able to have had the opportunity to finish that semester.

During this time I have learned to value people and the stories they have. I had lots of time to think and during that time I thought about my life and the people in my life. I thought about where I had been and what I want to do with my life. I was reminded of the things I was passionate for during high school and I realized that I had lost sight of what use to be important to me. During my time of weakness I was extremely vulnerable. Me being vulnerble made others around me feel comfortable talking to me and I was able to hear some incredible stories and get to know some amazing people. Me being vulnerable and having time to reflect on my life and my actions, I was able to work on fixing some of the relationships I had made mistakes in, in the past.

This whole experience has changed the way I view life. I now know how fragile life is. I am thankful for being able to do simple things like brush my teeth or dressing myself. I'm thankful for the people who were beside me every step of the way, who helped me when I couldn't help myself.

I don't know how this will continue to impact my life. I hope that it won't be a phase in my life that I will soon forget about, but it will be something that God will use to show others how He can work.

*If you read this and want to hear more stories about the last six months of my life, I would love to share them with you.

Broken

I prayed that you would use me
and that you would break my heart for what breaks yours

Now I am broken
and it hurts

I am learning to see the world through Your eyes
and it makes me look twice

Why does the pain and hurt of this world
leave me in a daze?

I feel numb
Like I never want to feel again

I’ve been broken so many times
Why does it keep hurting?

There is a reason I feel
There is a reason I haven’t become immune to the hurt

You have given me a heart
You have given me a passion

You have promised me in Your Word
That in my weakness You are strong

Please let Your strength be seen through me
Because I am broken and You are the Healer