No one understands her
She feels so alone
Thinking about suicide
Live
Looking for love
Trying to fit in
She gives herself away
Purity
Alcohol consumes him
She is his target
Tired of the bruises
Safety
Tired of everything
Numb to the pain
Scars remain
Healing
Look in the mirror
Don’t like what you see
Throw up what you eat
Healthy
Dear Church,
This is my generation
These are my friends stories
Listen
Please stop ignoring the pain
It won’t go away
You need to do something about it
Action
Don’t lecture or preach
Listen and love
Be Jesus
Monday, November 1, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
I'm finished
I never thought I would be saying, in the middle of October, that I finished a semester of school. I never thought I would be so relieved by looking at my transcript. As I saw that all the incompletes on my transcript had turned to letter grades my eyes filled up with tears. I called my mom and I had tears running down my face as I read to her my final grades for Spring 2010.
The last six months of my life have been an emotional rollercoster. Getting sick, leaving school with a week and a half left, having the doctors not know what's wrong, having test after test come back negative, not getting better but getting worse... two months later finding out what was wrong, knowing the only thing I could do was rest and wait it out, not being able to do the research position I was looking forward to doing over the summer, knowing that I had eight tests, two papers, a lab report, and a quiz waiting for me back at school. It has been a hard six months of my life.
My prayer during this time has been the Barlow Girl song Stay with me. The song says
"My steps never felt so hard
The end never look so far but
If you won't take me out
Then please take me through this"
"make me see that this is not forever"
Looking back I can see how God is faithful. He took me through it, every step of the way. There were so many people praying for me. My mom would put an "Anna Update" in her facebook status and would get many responses from people from all over who were praying for me. The children's librarian at our local library had her church praying for me. There were people I have no idea who they are praying for me. It's overwhelming to think about.
I have a greater appreciation for Greenville College and the professors here. I left so much unfinished but was given a second chance. I was able to make up the work when I was feeling "better" and up to it. My professors were incredible. After finishing a class, the professor looked at me and told me that if I needed anything to let him know, and I know that he meant it. I had another professor tell me that we needed to meet before I took the final so we could go over the study guide because I should get a grade that showed how much I put into the class. Even the lady at the records office knew me and told me that she had been praying for me. I'm so thankful for being able to have had the opportunity to finish that semester.
During this time I have learned to value people and the stories they have. I had lots of time to think and during that time I thought about my life and the people in my life. I thought about where I had been and what I want to do with my life. I was reminded of the things I was passionate for during high school and I realized that I had lost sight of what use to be important to me. During my time of weakness I was extremely vulnerable. Me being vulnerble made others around me feel comfortable talking to me and I was able to hear some incredible stories and get to know some amazing people. Me being vulnerable and having time to reflect on my life and my actions, I was able to work on fixing some of the relationships I had made mistakes in, in the past.
This whole experience has changed the way I view life. I now know how fragile life is. I am thankful for being able to do simple things like brush my teeth or dressing myself. I'm thankful for the people who were beside me every step of the way, who helped me when I couldn't help myself.
I don't know how this will continue to impact my life. I hope that it won't be a phase in my life that I will soon forget about, but it will be something that God will use to show others how He can work.
*If you read this and want to hear more stories about the last six months of my life, I would love to share them with you.
The last six months of my life have been an emotional rollercoster. Getting sick, leaving school with a week and a half left, having the doctors not know what's wrong, having test after test come back negative, not getting better but getting worse... two months later finding out what was wrong, knowing the only thing I could do was rest and wait it out, not being able to do the research position I was looking forward to doing over the summer, knowing that I had eight tests, two papers, a lab report, and a quiz waiting for me back at school. It has been a hard six months of my life.
My prayer during this time has been the Barlow Girl song Stay with me. The song says
"My steps never felt so hard
The end never look so far but
If you won't take me out
Then please take me through this"
"make me see that this is not forever"
Looking back I can see how God is faithful. He took me through it, every step of the way. There were so many people praying for me. My mom would put an "Anna Update" in her facebook status and would get many responses from people from all over who were praying for me. The children's librarian at our local library had her church praying for me. There were people I have no idea who they are praying for me. It's overwhelming to think about.
I have a greater appreciation for Greenville College and the professors here. I left so much unfinished but was given a second chance. I was able to make up the work when I was feeling "better" and up to it. My professors were incredible. After finishing a class, the professor looked at me and told me that if I needed anything to let him know, and I know that he meant it. I had another professor tell me that we needed to meet before I took the final so we could go over the study guide because I should get a grade that showed how much I put into the class. Even the lady at the records office knew me and told me that she had been praying for me. I'm so thankful for being able to have had the opportunity to finish that semester.
During this time I have learned to value people and the stories they have. I had lots of time to think and during that time I thought about my life and the people in my life. I thought about where I had been and what I want to do with my life. I was reminded of the things I was passionate for during high school and I realized that I had lost sight of what use to be important to me. During my time of weakness I was extremely vulnerable. Me being vulnerble made others around me feel comfortable talking to me and I was able to hear some incredible stories and get to know some amazing people. Me being vulnerable and having time to reflect on my life and my actions, I was able to work on fixing some of the relationships I had made mistakes in, in the past.
This whole experience has changed the way I view life. I now know how fragile life is. I am thankful for being able to do simple things like brush my teeth or dressing myself. I'm thankful for the people who were beside me every step of the way, who helped me when I couldn't help myself.
I don't know how this will continue to impact my life. I hope that it won't be a phase in my life that I will soon forget about, but it will be something that God will use to show others how He can work.
*If you read this and want to hear more stories about the last six months of my life, I would love to share them with you.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Broken
I prayed that you would use me
and that you would break my heart for what breaks yours
Now I am broken
and it hurts
I am learning to see the world through Your eyes
and it makes me look twice
Why does the pain and hurt of this world
leave me in a daze?
I feel numb
Like I never want to feel again
I’ve been broken so many times
Why does it keep hurting?
There is a reason I feel
There is a reason I haven’t become immune to the hurt
You have given me a heart
You have given me a passion
You have promised me in Your Word
That in my weakness You are strong
Please let Your strength be seen through me
Because I am broken and You are the Healer
and that you would break my heart for what breaks yours
Now I am broken
and it hurts
I am learning to see the world through Your eyes
and it makes me look twice
Why does the pain and hurt of this world
leave me in a daze?
I feel numb
Like I never want to feel again
I’ve been broken so many times
Why does it keep hurting?
There is a reason I feel
There is a reason I haven’t become immune to the hurt
You have given me a heart
You have given me a passion
You have promised me in Your Word
That in my weakness You are strong
Please let Your strength be seen through me
Because I am broken and You are the Healer
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
I am Alone
I am alone
In my room
With my thoughts
Where are the people who I call friends?
Where are the people I thought I could trust?
Where are the people who said they cared about me?
My conversations have turned shallow
I don’t want you to see what I am struggling with
I don’t think you have noticed the wall I’ve built up around me
Don’t expect me to trust you
You’ve ripped me apart
You have crossed lines that shouldn’t have been crossed
You tell me what I’m doing wrong
Without trying to understand where I’m coming from
I’m done listening to you not approving of the decisions I make
Don’t expect things to be like they were
Because we are both different people now
And I have learned from the past, and will not make the same mistake twice
I still love you
But I don’t want to be hurt by you anymore
So I will just put a smile on my face
slowly fade away
and still be alone
In my room
With my thoughts
Where are the people who I call friends?
Where are the people I thought I could trust?
Where are the people who said they cared about me?
My conversations have turned shallow
I don’t want you to see what I am struggling with
I don’t think you have noticed the wall I’ve built up around me
Don’t expect me to trust you
You’ve ripped me apart
You have crossed lines that shouldn’t have been crossed
You tell me what I’m doing wrong
Without trying to understand where I’m coming from
I’m done listening to you not approving of the decisions I make
Don’t expect things to be like they were
Because we are both different people now
And I have learned from the past, and will not make the same mistake twice
I still love you
But I don’t want to be hurt by you anymore
So I will just put a smile on my face
slowly fade away
and still be alone
Monday, July 26, 2010
More than Tourists
My sister found this on someones facebook and sent it to me. I liked it, I hope you do to.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 9:34pm
Two Americans went camping. While waiting for their food to cook one evening, one turned to the other and asked, "What's the Kingdom of Heaven like?" The other replied,
"The Kingdom of Heaven is like the National Parks and Forests. Some people hear about them, believe they are beautiful places, but never search for them. Others hear about them, look at pictures on the web, point them out in the distance, but never make time to visit. Still others go to the parks, take pictures, show them to their friends, buy souvenirs, wear them for a time, and return when its convenient. Then there are those who sell everything, move into the parks and actively maintain them."
The one who had asked the question blinked in surprise and then asked, "What does that mean?" The other replied, "It means we need to be more than tourists."
Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 9:34pm
Two Americans went camping. While waiting for their food to cook one evening, one turned to the other and asked, "What's the Kingdom of Heaven like?" The other replied,
"The Kingdom of Heaven is like the National Parks and Forests. Some people hear about them, believe they are beautiful places, but never search for them. Others hear about them, look at pictures on the web, point them out in the distance, but never make time to visit. Still others go to the parks, take pictures, show them to their friends, buy souvenirs, wear them for a time, and return when its convenient. Then there are those who sell everything, move into the parks and actively maintain them."
The one who had asked the question blinked in surprise and then asked, "What does that mean?" The other replied, "It means we need to be more than tourists."
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Who am I?
"God send me anywhere, only go with me
Lay any burden on my heart, only sustain me
And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours"
-David Livingstone
Dear God,
Who am I that You would create me?
Who am I that you would save me?
Who am I that you would make a way to love me?
Who am I that you would use me?
Why me God? I gave You my heart many years ago. I gave You my life a few years ago and I'm giving you my dreams as soon as I realize I've held them from You.
I can feel You moving/working in me. During the this time of resting You have been with me as rough as it's been. You have reminded me of who I was and where I have come from. You have renewed a passion inside me that had been pushed aside.
God, use my hands, tender and splotchy from the rash
Use my feet, give me balance, strength to stand, and endurance
Use my words, help them be full of truth and love
Use my thoughts, help me keep them captive, help them be full of You
Use my past, the places I've been,conversations I've had, emotions I've experienced, and tears I've cried
Use the present state I am in, help me to be thankful
Use my future, help me not to become focused on myself and my plans, but to be focused on You and those around me.
Lay any burden on my heart, only sustain me
And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours"
-David Livingstone
Dear God,
Who am I that You would create me?
Who am I that you would save me?
Who am I that you would make a way to love me?
Who am I that you would use me?
Why me God? I gave You my heart many years ago. I gave You my life a few years ago and I'm giving you my dreams as soon as I realize I've held them from You.
I can feel You moving/working in me. During the this time of resting You have been with me as rough as it's been. You have reminded me of who I was and where I have come from. You have renewed a passion inside me that had been pushed aside.
God, use my hands, tender and splotchy from the rash
Use my feet, give me balance, strength to stand, and endurance
Use my words, help them be full of truth and love
Use my thoughts, help me keep them captive, help them be full of You
Use my past, the places I've been,conversations I've had, emotions I've experienced, and tears I've cried
Use the present state I am in, help me to be thankful
Use my future, help me not to become focused on myself and my plans, but to be focused on You and those around me.
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