Dear beautiful girl,

Before I start, I must tell you that according to one of my friends, I am sheltered and brain washed and I really do not know anything about relationships. I would say that it true to some extent, but something that was once just my parents ideas, have now become part of the way I live. They have become my own by reading, listening, and watching how people act.


The first time I remember being asked out by a boy was at a roller-skating rink. I was not very old but I remember that I was not impressed that this boy had his friend ask me instead of himself, but Jesse (the boy) was SO cute what should I say? When the friend was waiting for an answer, I did not know what to say. One of my sister’s friends finally stepped in and said that I was not allowed to date. I really hadn’t thought about it before and I didn’t know if I could or not. When we got home the story was told to mom and dad and they told me, “before you date or be in relationships with boys you need to read this book, ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ and tell us what you think. Then you can date. So I read the book and through reading it decided that I wasn’t going to date. I was just going to watch. A story from the book that stuck with me was about this girl who dreamed that at her wedding, while she and her husband were saying their vows these other girls came and stood besides her and her husband. All these girls were girls from his past that he had given a piece of his heart to. I decided that I didn’t want to be one of those girls or have a line of guys behind me. Around the same time this weekend thing called ‘Pure Freedom’ came to my church and taught about purity and I received a new book to read called ‘The Bride Who Wore White’. In that book they encourage you to make a shopping list of what you want in a guy and for an example I will share with you some things off the top of my head that are on my list. Loves the Lord, serious about his faith, loves kids, strong jaw line, loves my family, outdoorsy, there’s more but I can’t remember, but you get the idea. Not all of the things on that list are super important but they give me picture of what I am waiting for. I see people who date and it doesn’t work out and I could tell from the beginning because it’s not because the guy was horrible, it was because they had different mindsets.

All throughout jr high and high school I thought it was funny to turn down guys. My favorite turn down has to be GUY: can I have your phone number? ME: Sorry, I can’t remember it right now. My friends around me were also getting asked out, but they weren’t saying no like I was. I want to be my own person. I don’t want to be so-and-so’s girlfriend. I’ve been able to witness so many breakups, tears, and hear about girls worrying about how likes who. It was around then that I decided that when you date two things could happen. Either you get married or break up and since dating is kinda a practice for marriage then is breaking up practice for divorce? In the one of the books I’ve read about dating talks about giving your heart and emotions to guys and I don’t think I want to do that. I want my husband to be mine. I don’t want there to have been other girls who have had their hands on him, in the same thought, I don’t want other guys touching me. I had a good friend who started dating a guy because she felt sorry for him but didn’t really like him. The more time went on she had less time for anyone but her boyfriend until 3 years later he dumped her for a girl who would sleep with him. Her life revolved around him and she gladly took him back a few months later when the other girl moved away.

As my friends and I get older things get more serious. Future, marriage, and children come up in conversations and people date with purpose because they are thinking about the rest of their lives. College is about meeting that special someone and there is a lot of emphases on finding your mate and getting engaged. I didn’t go to college to get my Mrs., I am going to get a bachelors in science. I don’t want to change if and when I start a relationship. I don’t think it is fair for you or for the people around you. One night right after I started college I had the room to myself and I started reading this book called “When God Writes Your Love Story” and the book was really good and it was just what I needed to read at the time. I’ve been known as an anti-dating person and a boy hater in the past and after almost losing my best friend, making a lot of people mad at me, reading “When God Writes Your Love Story”, and then realizing that I was growing up, I decided that I COULD date and there would be nothing wrong with it. Now I am just waiting.
This is something I wrote over the summer for a jr. high girl who asked me what I thought about dating. Since being back at school I am reminded almost everyday that I am single. I went to my first dance a few weeks ago and I wore a dress and makeup (that doesn’t happen every day). While there I was asked to dance by two guys and I told both of them no because I didn’t feel like dancing which was true. I was told many times that night that I looked pretty and after that night, I thought about the power that women have over men. I saw the power I hold that night and it scared me. I want a guy to like me because of who I am and not because of how I look. I don’t want to get a guy because of the way I dress, I want to get a guy because of my personality. In the same thought, I am attracted to guys who are physically attractive and who are able to have a good conversations.
I believe that the man should be the initiator and the pursuer. I have seen to many girls go crazy over guys and practically throw themselves at them and I don’t ever want to be like that. I was asked it I there would be under any circumstance that I would tell a guy that I liked him and I replied that I would only tell him in response to him telling me that he “liked” me.
One time I liked this guy and I told someone who then told him and it was really awkward and we talked online and he knew I liked him but I had no idea if he liked me or just wanted attention from me. We talked for awhile and we even talked about starting a relationship but a few things happened that were key things that made me think why or why not I wanted to be in a relationship with him.
I’m not a loser because I’ve never had a boyfriend (even though it may be debatable). I’m not anti-boy (even though I will advise against being in relationships).
I am waiting and someday some lucky guy will find me.

AW