I can’t be the person
I once was
My life has been shook up
My heart has been broken
I have been called
To take part in something bigger
I can’t ignore the voice
Or the feelings inside me
A passion that is building
A fire inside me
I can’t keep it contained
It has to be set free
"God send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to yours. -David Livingstone
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Save you
I can’t hold your hand
Keep you from falling
and watch your every step
I can’t tell you what you can
or can not do
The decisions have to be yours
I can’t protect you
or monitor you every move
you have to live your own life
I can't read your mind
Make you talk
Or even sometimes give you good advice
BUT
I can love you
Encourage you
Be there when you need something
I can hold you when you cry
Listen to you vent
be there during the up’s and downs of life
In the end
What it all comes down to is…
I can’t save you
Keep you from falling
and watch your every step
I can’t tell you what you can
or can not do
The decisions have to be yours
I can’t protect you
or monitor you every move
you have to live your own life
I can't read your mind
Make you talk
Or even sometimes give you good advice
BUT
I can love you
Encourage you
Be there when you need something
I can hold you when you cry
Listen to you vent
be there during the up’s and downs of life
In the end
What it all comes down to is…
I can’t save you
Monday, November 1, 2010
Stories
No one understands her
She feels so alone
Thinking about suicide
Live
Looking for love
Trying to fit in
She gives herself away
Purity
Alcohol consumes him
She is his target
Tired of the bruises
Safety
Tired of everything
Numb to the pain
Scars remain
Healing
Look in the mirror
Don’t like what you see
Throw up what you eat
Healthy
Dear Church,
This is my generation
These are my friends stories
Listen
Please stop ignoring the pain
It won’t go away
You need to do something about it
Action
Don’t lecture or preach
Listen and love
Be Jesus
She feels so alone
Thinking about suicide
Live
Looking for love
Trying to fit in
She gives herself away
Purity
Alcohol consumes him
She is his target
Tired of the bruises
Safety
Tired of everything
Numb to the pain
Scars remain
Healing
Look in the mirror
Don’t like what you see
Throw up what you eat
Healthy
Dear Church,
This is my generation
These are my friends stories
Listen
Please stop ignoring the pain
It won’t go away
You need to do something about it
Action
Don’t lecture or preach
Listen and love
Be Jesus
Monday, October 18, 2010
I'm finished
I never thought I would be saying, in the middle of October, that I finished a semester of school. I never thought I would be so relieved by looking at my transcript. As I saw that all the incompletes on my transcript had turned to letter grades my eyes filled up with tears. I called my mom and I had tears running down my face as I read to her my final grades for Spring 2010.
The last six months of my life have been an emotional rollercoster. Getting sick, leaving school with a week and a half left, having the doctors not know what's wrong, having test after test come back negative, not getting better but getting worse... two months later finding out what was wrong, knowing the only thing I could do was rest and wait it out, not being able to do the research position I was looking forward to doing over the summer, knowing that I had eight tests, two papers, a lab report, and a quiz waiting for me back at school. It has been a hard six months of my life.
My prayer during this time has been the Barlow Girl song Stay with me. The song says
"My steps never felt so hard
The end never look so far but
If you won't take me out
Then please take me through this"
"make me see that this is not forever"
Looking back I can see how God is faithful. He took me through it, every step of the way. There were so many people praying for me. My mom would put an "Anna Update" in her facebook status and would get many responses from people from all over who were praying for me. The children's librarian at our local library had her church praying for me. There were people I have no idea who they are praying for me. It's overwhelming to think about.
I have a greater appreciation for Greenville College and the professors here. I left so much unfinished but was given a second chance. I was able to make up the work when I was feeling "better" and up to it. My professors were incredible. After finishing a class, the professor looked at me and told me that if I needed anything to let him know, and I know that he meant it. I had another professor tell me that we needed to meet before I took the final so we could go over the study guide because I should get a grade that showed how much I put into the class. Even the lady at the records office knew me and told me that she had been praying for me. I'm so thankful for being able to have had the opportunity to finish that semester.
During this time I have learned to value people and the stories they have. I had lots of time to think and during that time I thought about my life and the people in my life. I thought about where I had been and what I want to do with my life. I was reminded of the things I was passionate for during high school and I realized that I had lost sight of what use to be important to me. During my time of weakness I was extremely vulnerable. Me being vulnerble made others around me feel comfortable talking to me and I was able to hear some incredible stories and get to know some amazing people. Me being vulnerable and having time to reflect on my life and my actions, I was able to work on fixing some of the relationships I had made mistakes in, in the past.
This whole experience has changed the way I view life. I now know how fragile life is. I am thankful for being able to do simple things like brush my teeth or dressing myself. I'm thankful for the people who were beside me every step of the way, who helped me when I couldn't help myself.
I don't know how this will continue to impact my life. I hope that it won't be a phase in my life that I will soon forget about, but it will be something that God will use to show others how He can work.
*If you read this and want to hear more stories about the last six months of my life, I would love to share them with you.
The last six months of my life have been an emotional rollercoster. Getting sick, leaving school with a week and a half left, having the doctors not know what's wrong, having test after test come back negative, not getting better but getting worse... two months later finding out what was wrong, knowing the only thing I could do was rest and wait it out, not being able to do the research position I was looking forward to doing over the summer, knowing that I had eight tests, two papers, a lab report, and a quiz waiting for me back at school. It has been a hard six months of my life.
My prayer during this time has been the Barlow Girl song Stay with me. The song says
"My steps never felt so hard
The end never look so far but
If you won't take me out
Then please take me through this"
"make me see that this is not forever"
Looking back I can see how God is faithful. He took me through it, every step of the way. There were so many people praying for me. My mom would put an "Anna Update" in her facebook status and would get many responses from people from all over who were praying for me. The children's librarian at our local library had her church praying for me. There were people I have no idea who they are praying for me. It's overwhelming to think about.
I have a greater appreciation for Greenville College and the professors here. I left so much unfinished but was given a second chance. I was able to make up the work when I was feeling "better" and up to it. My professors were incredible. After finishing a class, the professor looked at me and told me that if I needed anything to let him know, and I know that he meant it. I had another professor tell me that we needed to meet before I took the final so we could go over the study guide because I should get a grade that showed how much I put into the class. Even the lady at the records office knew me and told me that she had been praying for me. I'm so thankful for being able to have had the opportunity to finish that semester.
During this time I have learned to value people and the stories they have. I had lots of time to think and during that time I thought about my life and the people in my life. I thought about where I had been and what I want to do with my life. I was reminded of the things I was passionate for during high school and I realized that I had lost sight of what use to be important to me. During my time of weakness I was extremely vulnerable. Me being vulnerble made others around me feel comfortable talking to me and I was able to hear some incredible stories and get to know some amazing people. Me being vulnerable and having time to reflect on my life and my actions, I was able to work on fixing some of the relationships I had made mistakes in, in the past.
This whole experience has changed the way I view life. I now know how fragile life is. I am thankful for being able to do simple things like brush my teeth or dressing myself. I'm thankful for the people who were beside me every step of the way, who helped me when I couldn't help myself.
I don't know how this will continue to impact my life. I hope that it won't be a phase in my life that I will soon forget about, but it will be something that God will use to show others how He can work.
*If you read this and want to hear more stories about the last six months of my life, I would love to share them with you.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Broken
I prayed that you would use me
and that you would break my heart for what breaks yours
Now I am broken
and it hurts
I am learning to see the world through Your eyes
and it makes me look twice
Why does the pain and hurt of this world
leave me in a daze?
I feel numb
Like I never want to feel again
I’ve been broken so many times
Why does it keep hurting?
There is a reason I feel
There is a reason I haven’t become immune to the hurt
You have given me a heart
You have given me a passion
You have promised me in Your Word
That in my weakness You are strong
Please let Your strength be seen through me
Because I am broken and You are the Healer
and that you would break my heart for what breaks yours
Now I am broken
and it hurts
I am learning to see the world through Your eyes
and it makes me look twice
Why does the pain and hurt of this world
leave me in a daze?
I feel numb
Like I never want to feel again
I’ve been broken so many times
Why does it keep hurting?
There is a reason I feel
There is a reason I haven’t become immune to the hurt
You have given me a heart
You have given me a passion
You have promised me in Your Word
That in my weakness You are strong
Please let Your strength be seen through me
Because I am broken and You are the Healer
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
I am Alone
I am alone
In my room
With my thoughts
Where are the people who I call friends?
Where are the people I thought I could trust?
Where are the people who said they cared about me?
My conversations have turned shallow
I don’t want you to see what I am struggling with
I don’t think you have noticed the wall I’ve built up around me
Don’t expect me to trust you
You’ve ripped me apart
You have crossed lines that shouldn’t have been crossed
You tell me what I’m doing wrong
Without trying to understand where I’m coming from
I’m done listening to you not approving of the decisions I make
Don’t expect things to be like they were
Because we are both different people now
And I have learned from the past, and will not make the same mistake twice
I still love you
But I don’t want to be hurt by you anymore
So I will just put a smile on my face
slowly fade away
and still be alone
In my room
With my thoughts
Where are the people who I call friends?
Where are the people I thought I could trust?
Where are the people who said they cared about me?
My conversations have turned shallow
I don’t want you to see what I am struggling with
I don’t think you have noticed the wall I’ve built up around me
Don’t expect me to trust you
You’ve ripped me apart
You have crossed lines that shouldn’t have been crossed
You tell me what I’m doing wrong
Without trying to understand where I’m coming from
I’m done listening to you not approving of the decisions I make
Don’t expect things to be like they were
Because we are both different people now
And I have learned from the past, and will not make the same mistake twice
I still love you
But I don’t want to be hurt by you anymore
So I will just put a smile on my face
slowly fade away
and still be alone
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